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9 Year Relationship Over  Actions...
Posted: by Runabout on Sat. 22 Sep., 2012 at 10:00:45 PM
Its only been a week since he left and we still talk on the phone but I miss him.  I know its for the best as we were drifting away from each other.  We were just very different.  Him a loving, needy person and me the opposite.  I'm not a touchy feely person and he was missing that.  So he drifted away.  Today during our talk he said that he didn't think that either one should change for the other...it would only make one person happy and the other resentful..so as it stands we have gone our separate ways.  This is the first time in my 55 years that I have lived on my own.  I always had someone in my life in the house but now its just so quiet.  The first few days I felt sad and the the past 2 days I couldn't sleep and felt angry, thinking he had met someone else.  Talking to him today about that feeling he reassured me that he had no intention on dating right now, was focusing on his business.  That made me feel better but now I'm back to sad.  I know time heals but when your in the midst of everything its so hard to see past that.  Since the split I've made myself busy by totally cleaning and rearranging the house but I feel that there is such a void in my life.  

Runabout
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It's absolutely normal to feel empty at this stage....  Actions...
Posted: by TheCoho on Sat. 22 Sep., 2012 at 10:22:01 PM
In reply to: Runabout "9 Year Relationship Over"
Give yourself time to grieve the end of the relationship and give yourself time to heal too.

I think that rearranging and cleaning is a great start. I did that too when my marriage first ended...at all hours of the day and night!

Pamper yourself now. This is the time for bubble baths by candlelight with a glass of wine. Catch up on movie watching or treat yourself to some books you've been meaning to read. Get a massage. Buy yourself fresh flowers.

I suggest you don't contact your ex because it stops you from moving forward with your life.

One step at a time, one day at a time.


 

Coho salmon are prized for their excellent fighting abilities and acrobatics

TheCoho
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Very good advice  Actions...
Posted: by MMV on Sun. 23 Sep., 2012 at 1:00:59 PM
In reply to: TheCoho "It's absolutely normal to feel empty at this stage...."
Ditto with no more contact with the ex, look after yourself and one step and day at a time. Those things are exactly what got me through my divorce many years ago.

MMV
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It's normal to feel the way  Actions...
Posted: by krissie on Sun. 23 Sep., 2012 at 12:25:29 AM
In reply to: Runabout "9 Year Relationship Over"
you do, as you are grieving the loss of your relationship and how life used to be. Keeping busy helps and if you need to get angry or cry or whatever...allow yourself to let those feelings go and don't bottle them up.  It's never easy going from WE to ME.  I have read the book..."from we to ME" (embracing life again after the death or divorce of a spouse). Authors are Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. De Vries.  I found it very helpful.  Take care.....

krissie
edited Sun. 23 Sep., 2012 @ 12:27:04 AM by krissie
 
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UPDATE.  Actions...
Posted: by Runabout on Thu. 27 Dec., 2012 at 9:08:37 PM
In reply to: Runabout "9 Year Relationship Over"
Well its been almost 4 months since he told me he's leaving.  I had a suspicion that it was another woman although he adamantly said he never left me for another woman nor is there one in his life now. It was simple, our relationship ran its course and it ended. 

If it was only that easy.

After he left I was approached by many people he confided in.  They told me that he was talking to an old g/f that lived overseas, she was leaving her husband moving back home.  When I contacted him about that he still denied that there was anyone else.  Two days ago I found out that yes he is seeing that old g/f he found on Facebook.  This was the love of his live, the one that got away 21 years ago. Why couldn't he be just honest with me instead of telling me we just drifted apart. I knew there was other reasons. He was a needy man and needy people don't move on unless there is something to go to.    I found out why now.  From what I've been told they are keeping it quiet.  Why?  who knows.  She's supposed to be separated from her husband.  Maybe she's not.  All I know is that they have been talking for over a year after meeting on Facebook.  She moved back to Canada last summer.  He moved out of my house to his parents which is close to where she lives now.  !@#% Facebook.  I'm sure its broken up more families than brought single people together.  

I still feel hurt and angry and I've been trying really hard not to let it consume me but its hard.  The hurt and anger is not from him leaving me but how he did it. How he wasn't honest with me.  What is the big secret?.  I'm better off really because financially he lived off of me as his home business made no money and now he's got her to live off of if they live together.  She will have a rude awakening.  

But since then I've been trying to keep myself busy.  I've lost almost 20 lbs so I've been buying new clothes and getting my hair done.  It was nice to overhear my daughter tell her brother that it was nice to see me doing things to make myself look good .  So that part is positive..

-------

Runabout
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I'd be angry too...  Actions...
Posted: by TheCoho on Thu. 27 Dec., 2012 at 10:40:55 PM
In reply to: Runabout "UPDATE."
There's nothing worse than trusting someone and then discovering he/she isn't all that you believed.

It sounds to me as if you are well rid of the man and that your life is improving. Yes, things get better when you make positive changes.

I wish you a bright 2013!

 

Coho salmon are prized for their excellent fighting abilities and acrobatics

TheCoho
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Perhaps being in contact with her was the push he needed  Actions...
Posted: by Marsha on Fri. 28 Dec., 2012 at 7:22:20 AM
In reply to: Runabout "UPDATE."
to see the relationship for what it was - one that wasn't satisfying to either of you. So in that sense, maybe it's not a bad thing.

I honestly think that facebook is such a negative tool in so many ways. It makes it really hard to make a clean break with someone when we really should be moving on from them.  I imagine it is very difficult to avoid checking out an "ex" on facebook long past the time when this sort of thing would have been "normal" in the past, if you know what I mean.  It's like picking at a wound that then can't heal. It honestly sounds like ending the relationship has been a good thing for you too - the changes in your life seem to be positive ones. So however that came about, it has been the right thing for you. It's sad that learning what you have has dredged up hurt and anger.  Sometimes, "ignorance is bliss". Try to get a handle on your feelings and turn them around and see the positive turn your own life has taken because it really does sound like you shed more than the 20 pounds...you shed a relationship that wasn't really fulfilling for you.  Face 2013 as a new and wonderful start!  All the best to you.

Marsha
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excellent post Marsha  Actions...
Posted: by tack on Mon. 4 Feb., 2013 at 8:30:42 AM
In reply to: Marsha "Perhaps being in contact with her was the push he needed"
Make 2013 a year of new starts and new discoveries

tack
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