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Adult children living at home  Actions...
Posted: by Jarita on Fri. 1 Jun., 2012 at 7:37:23 PM

Did anyone watch 'Generation Boomerang' on Doc Zone Thursday night?   I love a good documentary & that was a good episode.  It was a repeat, but I hadn't seen it before.  It was about 20-30 year olds still living at home... The reasons, the implications on their parent's finances, the differences between now & the boomer's generation & different parenting styles  throughout the world, were just some of the things they touched on. 

The statistics of people in the 20 - 30 year old range that are still living at home was very interesting.  Italy had a very high rate of 70%, and the rate was even higher for males (80%).  interesting stats on the fact sheet here

It was a very timely episode for me since DD is here right now.  She finished school recently and has been home for a month.  She's moving away to a city in another province soon  though.  There is nothing here for her in her chosen field.  She's been working while she's home, but it's low paying & seasonal.  There are not a lot of employment opportunities for young people here.  (The Stats Canada figures for our area is 24% seniors!  The national average is 14%). 

This is another taste of having a grown child at home for us.  Our DS lived at home until he was almost 23.  Then we had a few months to try the empty nest.  It sure is different having DD home again.  We love our kids, but we were enjoying the empty nest too!  I'm not the only parent to admit that!  I've talked to a few people lately that say having their adult children living at home is cramping their style.  lol  The way things are right now I don't expect either one of them to move back in again (after this time), but after watching this show I'd have to say "Who knows?"  We can try and do our best to help them, and hope for the best, but it is certainly hard for them to get started in life.  I am certainly thankful that DS is doing really well at his job & working on a couple of apprenticeships at the same time.  And very thankful that he is able to stay in the same town as us! 

Any thoughts on this subject?


"Now and Then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

 

Jarita
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my son  Actions...
Posted: by Koda on Fri. 1 Jun., 2012 at 7:49:07 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
is still living at home, he's going to University so I don't expect he will be moving out anytime soon. He just turned 22 in February, he does have two well paying part-time jobs & pays his own way for most things. Of course, we don't charge him room & board, he eats our food, we help with tuition. Funny I went to Sears with him today, he needed some dress shirts & a new tie, have to say it was hard for me not to pay. I almost said I'd pay for the new tie but held back. 

I don't mind having him at home, he's a really good kid & we really want to help him as much as we can. For me this is going on 31 years of having kids at home though, lol! Because we have such a small house this does not afford privacy for any of us, but that's the way it is. 
Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. — Simone Weil

Koda
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I've heard similar  Actions...
Posted: by ABmom99 on Fri. 1 Jun., 2012 at 9:04:52 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"

reports as the documentary you mention - the high % of male Italians still at home. I got the impression it was due to such a high cost of finding a scarce place to live. Currently I would say my friends (50ish +) with adult kids are empty nesters. University students may return home for summers - but there really isn't a nearby university so the 'kids' can still live at home/commute daily.  (There is a community college in area - so some of those 'kids' may be home). 

In tough economic times - when well paying jobs are scarce, I believe families do pull together - so that means sometimes the adult kids return home--- but those adult kids should be doing everything they can to find a job.

I wonder about the real-estate market... apartment buildings that used to be rental accomodation have in many cases become owned condo's.  The opportunity to find affordable rental living space I think has dried up to an extent.  The small average new home is no longer a 'basic' home - its got all kinds of bells/whistles - things that increase price greatly - they're no longer 'basic' for new home owners looking for that first house.... Driving through new home developments I see so many homes with double attached garages, 2 or 3 bathrooms, living room + family room + den.  Builders get more profit from the house with everything compared to building the 'basic' - so why build those?..... all these things increase housing costs - making it hard for the lower average income earner to buy their own home -  hence the living with mom/dad longer & longer.

What I find interesting too - a whole different issue - not mentioned in your post is the number of people raising grandchildren - the children's parents aren't around--- so grandma/grandpa are raising those kids.  I know for awhile we did have dd who was 19 with a baby living at home with us for a few years... but she is now married & her son is of course with her :) - living in another city.  

ABmom99
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lol!!!  Actions...
Posted: by Koda on Fri. 1 Jun., 2012 at 9:17:23 PM
In reply to: ABmom99 "I've heard similar"
around here that is a basic house. The houses being built here now are at least 7 bedrooms & no yards, most of these houses will have one suite, if not two. This is not a new subdivision, but old houses such as ours are being ripped down at an alarming rate & replaced.



Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. — Simone Weil

Koda
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DS #2 still lives with me -  Actions...
Posted: by karen_g on Fri. 1 Jun., 2012 at 9:34:07 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
he's not yet 24.  He has a good job, but it's a one-year contract position that he started last September - although I'm almost certain that they'll keep him on permanently.  He only just finished paying off his student loan a month or so ago.

He prefers to do his own grocery shopping and cooking and has been taking care of most of the yard work, and I think any additional cost for having him living here is negligible.  Yes, I know that I could charge him R&B, but I actually like having him around now that his dad is no longer with us.  DS #1 didn't move out till he and his GF found a place together; I don't know whether or not it will be the same for his brother.

We're really only a generation away from the era where you (well, men, anyway) could graduate from HS and wander down to the local mill/mine/plant and get a decent-paying job at the same place where Dad, Grandad, Uncles and Neighbours also worked.  I think that's part of the mentality "we managed, so can they".

karen_g
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son..  Actions...
Posted: by sue_43 on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 12:05:05 AM
In reply to: karen_g "DS #2 still lives with me -"
my son finished college last yr...he took "a break" for a while......Roll of the eyes & will be going back to work in august, he plans on saving up for a car & wants to buy a house. 
I know its hard to get started in life & he has our support ,,I just hope it doesnt take TOO long.....lol    Im looking forward to the empty nest.  Wink

sue_43
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...  Actions...
Posted: by Jarita on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 8:52:41 PM
In reply to: sue_43 "son.."
Where's the like button? 

I actually was dreading the empty nest & we didn't have one until last fall.  Turns out we quite enjoyed it!  That being said, both kids will be here for dinner tonight, with no extended family or friends over... I can't remember the last time that happened (December?).  I'm looking forward to it!  It's going to be like old times.





"Now and Then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

 

Jarita
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Transition time  Actions...
Posted: by catsknit on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 12:11:41 AM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"

The 20-30 age group is a time of transition for so many.  Finishing high school at 18 /19, then going on to college /university, then finding a job, possibly far away.

Most of my siblings and I did this with my parents blessing.  One of my brothers did a co-op program (worked 6 weeks/ school for six weeks) and lived at home for his work term.  The other two (and me too) were away during the school year, maybe home for summers.  I found that it was impossible to get a summer job in the university city, very easy to get one in my home town ('who you know, not what you know' . . . )

Without fail we all moved away for good as soon as we completed our degrees.  I moved 3 000 miles away and only came home once a year for awhile.  I guess my parents last financial support was in that plane ticket, lol. 

My parents didn't take $$ from us--it was part of our education funding needs.  However, things have changed.  I would certainly consider asking my children for contributions (which we would try to return when they needed a deposit for a house etc). 

Most of my nieces /nephews have done the same as my siblings and I did (use home as a base until education is complete, then out) except for one who is struggling to find his niche. College / quit/ job / didn't last, etc so he is bouncing in and out of his parents home.  I hope he finds the right thing for him soon.

I don't consider it unusual (or a problem) to live at home until your mid-20s or so.  On the other side of the coin, my mum was sent from her country home to 'The Big Smoke"  to get a job when she was just 17.  Apparently my grandmother had some pipe dreams about the lovely things my mother would buy and send her.  Room /board and an occasional trip home by train ate up my mother's earnings, of course.  I don't think 'the good old ways' are that good either. 

Sounds like an interesting program.   The cost of living in some countries, or certain areas of most countries, is too high for a single to be able to buy.  Living at home to save up a deposit is a good option, where possible.  I saved up my own deposit (for my first house, pre-DH) by living in very shared accommodation--that worked, but took forever!! 

Also, the rather high divorce rate has some single parents heading home to get their feet under them again.  A guy I grew up with did this--moved into his mother's basement, set up a small kitchen and everything so he could have his kids for weekends but also save money to move on (which he did). 

Probably the best idea is make sure there is a plan, a contract etc.  Contributing to household funds, or cooking,  maintenance, painting, that kind of thing.  When I watch the show 'Princess" I feel I often see a young person who might even earn more than the parents, but lives at home with a sense of entitlement without contribution.  Makes me think about my kids and their future, lol.  DH swears they are never going to live in our basement!!

Good thread, Jarita.  I will watch for repeats on that show.

Rule Britannia!  Britannia Rules the Waves . . . . .

catsknit
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You can watch the show online, catsknit -  Actions...
Posted: by karen_g on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 4:31:45 PM
In reply to: catsknit "Transition time"
on the CBC site.

karen_g
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.......  Actions...
Posted: by Jarita on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 9:04:23 PM
In reply to: catsknit "Transition time"
I agree Catsknit that it's not unusual or a problem to have your young adults living at home.  I do think it is more prevalent now though.  For a variety of factors... expensive housing and schooling, and the economy for instance.

Another reason I think it's more prevalent now is because of the way my Grandparent's dealt with the situation.  They had 15 kids and once you left to get married you weren't allowed to move back home.  I would assume they would let of the kids who served in WWII to come back home. 

I really agree with you about having a plan!  If DD ever moves home again there will be a better plan in place!  We had some agreements, but we definitetly needed something better.  That being said, it's time to kick DD off the couch because she is helping make dinner tonight!

"Now and Then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

 

Jarita
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Not Only  Actions...
Posted: by Queen_B on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 1:48:22 AM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
are mine living at home, but we've picked up a spare. LOL

My DS moved out when he was 19 and lived on his own (well, with roommates) for 2 years. He moved back home to save for school, and he's starting university this fall after 5 years of being out of school. I'm thrilled to bits. His gf would spend 4 nights a week at his place when he had his own apartment, and we made it clear that she was free to do the same here, and she does.

My older DD, 19, just spent a semester away at university, living in res. She didn't get into the program she wanted there, so she is back at home now and will continue university here and will be in her 3rd year. However, after having a taste of living away from home, she has rented a house with four other people near the u, starting in August. If that doesn't work out, she is always welcome back here.

My youngest is 16.

So, at the moment, we have 5 1/2 people, a dog, and a cat living in our house. We're not empty-nesters yet, and that's fine by us.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours shine any brighter.


Queen_B
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llll  Actions...
Posted: by sunny22 on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 6:12:13 AM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"

Both my two still live at home and split up time with their SO's who both have their own places.

My son is 24 and works full time with his Dad, there's not enough parking at his g/f's house for a work van and his personal vehicle, plus she's a nurse who works 12 hr shifts so he would be alone a lot at her place. He also uses our garage for this hobby 'track' car.

My dd is 21 and still has 2 years or univercity to complete. She has her own car and commutes to a nearby city so it's best for her to live at home till she's finished.

I enjoy having my kids at home still and am in no hurry for them to move out. I don't charge them room and board but they are expected to help out around the house.

I am not looking forward to being an empty nester.

In my future I hope to perhaps be a foster Mom or open a small daycare. Not sure which yet. I will decide once we move to our new home.

 

 


 

 

sunny22
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Posted: by newone on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 6:41:27 AM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
I watched that documentary a few months ago.  For those who mentioned wanting to watch it, I'm pretty sure it's still on the CBC website.  Certainly a current topic.

I'd actually like my kids to move back home! They all went out of town for university, and I was thrilled for them as they were excited, got good scholarships plus our RESPs did very well so along with summer jobs, should graduate debt free. 

Eldest just finished a Masters and got a job right away, and although will be moving for this job, came home most summers to work, usually in internships.  The younger ones are also away and did come home for the summer and got jobs easily, but one is now staying in the university town for the summer to work and take extra summer courses.  Sniff sniff!

I can see it would be upsetting, or worrying, if kids were home because they couldn't get a job, or didn't want to study etc. - I know some families like that and it's tough because the child is not happy - the child would rather either be in a university/college program they love, or have a job they love, and therefore would be able to afford their own place.   I'd love my kids to be home because they are focused and in something planned, and while I enjoy the calm when they're away, I miss all the action, their friends coming over, going to all their soccer games and things... seems I have a bit of each for now, so not really complaining!

newone
edited Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 @ 6:44:06 AM by newone
 
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Have not read all of the replies  Actions...
Posted: by tigsw_tigsw on Sat. 2 Jun., 2012 at 2:44:49 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
I like the program you are referring to and try to watch it often. My kids can live here forever if they want to.

        

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Posted: by dreamer16 on Mon. 4 Jun., 2012 at 2:21:01 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
My kids have lived away from home, both while attending post-secondary education and afterwards, but they have returned here periodically to live while in between jobs or while waiting for appropriate apartments to become available in the area.  My door will always be open to them and I don't see any problem with this.

In a former neighbourhood, where my kids grew up, it was mainly a Catholic area, and the older residents who had had very large families and were now grandparents to kids who were around the same age of mine, used to tell me that once each child left home, they'd throw their bed out in the garbage so they couldn't return.  That was it.  But then, they did live in smaller three bedroom ranch style homes with anywhere from eight to twelve children, so I expect that they did look forward to having some space for themselves eventually and not having to support such a large amount of children.  Plus, jobs were more readily available in the late sixties and seventies so there wasn't any real need for them to return.

The situation is different now.  Full-time work is often difficult to find, and many can't find work in their chosen fields.  They sometimes must start out with temporary, part-time, contract, or minimum wage work, until they're able to work their way into something more suitable.  This often can take a tremendous amount of time.  And sometimes, these kids need a helping hand along the way.

Only a few generations ago, people often lived in extended family situations, likely for financial (and other) reasons, so I can't see how this is need to continue to help our children and parents should be seen as any different.


"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"  Dr. Seuss

 "Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does."  (unknown)

"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."  George S. Patton

The poster formerly known as Writer Mom (stolen from Prince)  

dreamer16
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28 year old at home  Actions...
Posted: by Pookie3 on Wed. 6 Jun., 2012 at 8:07:11 PM
In reply to: Jarita "Adult children living at home"
My youngest DS went away to university for 4 years so we did have a bit of time being empty nesters.

He is back now as we live in a big city and this is where the work is.  He has an apartment in the basement.  I do not charge him rent but he pays all his own expenses. We do not even know he is there most of the time.

He would love to move out on his own but can't afford to do so.  He has been working for the same company for 3 years but it is only contract.  They renew every 6 months but could end the position at any time.  He must have a car for his job and the rents here are very high.  He feels lucky to have a full time job as most of his friends work part-time shifts at coffee shops and in retail.  If he could get hired on permanent he would move out tomorrow.

I don't hassle him about living here as it isn't his choice.  When we were his age the unemployment rate was even higher than now, however if you got yourself hired the job was yours so long as you did a good job. 



Pookie3
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Pookie3, that sounds like the perfect arrangement  Actions...
Posted: by catsknit on Thu. 7 Jun., 2012 at 9:26:56 AM
In reply to: Pookie3 "28 year old at home"

because he certainly has his independence and earns his own way. 

Of course the experts would say that you should charge him rent and put it away for him, as enforced savings.  Then you can give it back to him as a deposit on a house etc.  However, you know your son best and you know whether he needs that, or whether he can cope with saving on his own.  Sounds like he has his act together so he is probably fine.  He is lucky enough to have a decent job, just without the longterm job security.  Good luck to him!

Rule Britannia!  Britannia Rules the Waves . . . . .

catsknit
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