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Anniversary Or Baseball  Actions...
Posted: by dolphingirl on Fri. 11 May., 2012 at 3:38:06 PM
So our anniversary falls on May 20th and my husband is working that day so we had decided to celebrate the next night which is the holiday Monday. But there is a baseball game that night that my husband wants to play in. He is now making me feel like the bad guy because I want to celebrate our anniversary and not go to he stupid baseball game. I am really hurt that he feels our anniversary isn't important enough to miss his stupid game.

dolphingirl
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Might be smart to start by not calling it  Actions...
Posted: by Marsha on Fri. 11 May., 2012 at 3:48:33 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
"a stupid game" - especially if it's something that is important to him (as it clearly is).  Imagine if he called your anniversary "a stupid anniversary". You guys are married and compromise and respect for the other's values is important if you want to see a few more anniversaries. Can you not go out on the Saturday? Or go out for a bang-up lunch on the Monday?  Or just choose a wonderful anniversary gift for yourself that HE is going to give you?  

I'm guessing that in addition to liking to play baseball, your husband feels an obligation to his team members to honour his commitment to the team. Would you rather he went out with you with a grudging heart and a scowl on his face because you forced him to miss the game?  If you are REALLY smart, you will go to his game with a smile on your face.  Maybe take a bottle of champagne that you have chilling in the back of the car and greet him with it after the game.  

Marsha
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well  Actions...
Posted: by Koda on Fri. 11 May., 2012 at 5:35:27 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
I drove my husband to the airport on our Anniversary, which was last Sunday. In all reality stuff is going to fall on Anniversaries, Birthdays, other occasions, I've personally learned to not make a big deal about it. There are many other days of the year where you can celebrate or you can go to his game to cheer him on, maybe go out for a late lunch or brunch to celebrate (not sure of the game time). 


Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. — Simone Weil

Koda
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Long Weekend  Actions...
Posted: by dolphingirl on Fri. 11 May., 2012 at 8:57:18 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
He is working both Saturday and Sunday of the long weekend it would be nice to be able to spend at least one day together doing something nice for our special day. I am NOT going to the baseball game as I can't stand baseball. It's almost as boring as watching paint dry. I do not think it's too much to ask my husband to spend a little time together on our Anniversary. He can play baseball any other Monday in the season and there are more than enough people on the team to fill in for him if he's missing. By the end of last season half the team didn't show up as they only won one game the entire season.

dolphingirl
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Sure it would be nice  Actions...
Posted: by Marsha on Fri. 11 May., 2012 at 9:49:21 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Long Weekend"
but how nice is it going to be with you both spending your anniversary with this bad mood all around you?  You can turn this molehill into a mountain or you can be smart (and adult) about how you handle it.  It's your choice.  Like I say, spending my anniversary with a man who is only there because I stamped my foot and had a hissy fit - well, in my books,  that's hardly any way to spend an anniversary or to celebrate being married.

Marsha
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yep  Actions...
Posted: by Koda on Sat. 12 May., 2012 at 9:27:50 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Long Weekend"
I agree baseball is as boring as watching paint dry, but that's not really the point. Why can't you have brunch or lunch to celebrate? 


Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. — Simone Weil

Koda
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my thoughts  Actions...
Posted: by itsmeagain on Sat. 12 May., 2012 at 10:11:33 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Long Weekend"

You have all day Monday to celebrate . . . I know it isn't what you want but it is what you get.  Why don't you do something you want to do with your husband?  A walk, brunch, lunch at Ikea?

I hear you on baseball being as exciting as paint drying but sometimes you do stuff that you don't really want to do to support each other.  I have sat through way too many ball games but I always find another spouse to chat with.  Last season it was a boyfriend of one of the players and we would bring candy to share at the games.  I really don't like going but it really makes my dh happy and well, he does stuff for me too.  I also go over the top cheering for everything they do . . . it helps the time go by.

 

Please forgive the typos . . . spell check doesn't seem to work for me!

itsmeagain
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Set up alternate traditions for you & dh  Actions...
Posted: by ABmom99 on Sat. 12 May., 2012 at 1:39:59 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"

 You got married on Victoria Day weekend it appears - which often seems to revolve around a variety of activities.  Your dh's ball team is important to him, and this year he's working thru the weekend it seems (Sat/Sun)... so rather than being upset every May long - because your dh also has other strong interests... why not do something special THIS weekend?

As others above have said your negativity towards his ball team and baseball - and inssisting you have YOUR time...I see more problems arising by that than anything. Not the fact he also enjoys his ballteam... but your pouting. 

I get you're disappointed by not having 'the' day to celebrate with him (which I think makes his ball seem even more 'stupid' to you)....  which is why I say start a tradition with him to do a different day.  You're not the bad guy for being disappointed or feel let down... but to be mad & carry on & call his baseball game/team 'stupid' - does make you look like the bad guy.

dh & I were married on a holiday weekend too - Thanksgiving & given his job.(minister).. we never have the weekend 'off' - so we have also had to take the time when we can - rather than get upset that we have to compromise as to the actual date.  A good marriage isn't about 'my turn' or 'your turn' or 'you owe me' or 'I owe you'... its about finding a path that is good for both of you. The romance isn't the 'date' its the time you do spend together... so if May Long isn't good this year for you... plan an alternate date or getaway.   If you really can't see yourself at his ballgame... go do something fun on your own with a girlfriend...) and don't spend that time griping about his baseball either) !!!! 

ABmom99
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Yikes!  Actions...
Posted: by Carol_cp on Sat. 12 May., 2012 at 5:49:24 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
Being married doesn't mean that you are joined at the hip.You are making a big fuss about nothing.First,you will start making a fuss over an anniversary and then,something else will come along and you will kick up a fuss about that.Over time,there could be a certain level of resentment to add to the pressures of daily life.Where is it written that you need to celebrate your anniversary right on that date?Would you rather spend the day with your dh in a bad mood because you hate baseball and it's "your day"?Doesn't seem like much fun to me.






Carol_cp
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...  Actions...
Posted: by Jarita on Sun. 13 May., 2012 at 5:39:34 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
You have received some really good advice here dolphingirl.  Is this your first anniversary?  Happy Anniversary!  I hope you fill us in on how it turns out.

DH forgot our 4th anniversary.  I forgot it one year when I was helping to organize a reunion.  Just mentioning this because, with a little give and take, things work out.  We're still together.

I think it's nice that your DH has an interest in baseball.  It's nice for him to get out & do something.  I've sat through a lot of ball games & survived.  You find somebody to talk to, or even bring a book. 

"Now and Then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

 

Jarita
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update?  Actions...
Posted: by rusty01 on Wed. 16 May., 2012 at 8:02:57 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
Any update?  What are you thoughts now?  Any plans?

I have to say, that if anyone called an activity, sport, or anything I loved "almost as boring as watching paint dry" - I'd think they were rude, let alone a little ignorant about the activity.  I used to think that about certain things, including sports, until I learned the game, the strategy and found out more about it.  I might not like some things, but I'd never insult someone by being rude about something they love.  I'd think a lovely gesture on your part, would be to show interest & support by attending a game; you never know, you might learn something.  Doesn't mean you'd be joined at the hip or anything - just nice to try to understand what others like.  I've learned so much and taken up new interests that way, and vice versa with spouse.

Anyway, hope you found a compromise.  Honestly, to me, all those "days" - anniversary, valentine's, birthdays, etc. are what they are - there are so many other days in the year that are so much more important to me.  Don't you spend quality time together on days during the year when you're both not working?  Don't you plan date nights or date days?  It's the 360 days that count, far more than those few so-called 'special' days. 

rusty01
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Sorry you are feeling so bad about this, dolphingirl  Actions...
Posted: by catsknit on Wed. 16 May., 2012 at 10:36:40 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"

I hope you manage to work out a compromise.  As others have suggested, there are plenty of fun things you can do together together to celebrate the next day (during the day) so that he can go to the game.

Sports have always been really important to my DH and I try to work around them if possible.  I arranged for my brother to take him golfing on our wedding day, and another friend of mine was keeping track of the scores on DH's favourite team that day.  His team won the World Cup (I think that was it--I am not into sports either, lol) on our wedding day. 

If you graciously bow out of your 'mood', tell your DH that you have changed your mind and you won't be upset if he wants to play, then he will truly appreciate your gesture, I will bet, and agree to go along with whatever you plan for Monday daytime.  You can even go out for dessert and coffee after he showers, or dinner, depending on the time of the game.

Like the others, I encourage you to let go graciously.  This is important to him and compromise is important in a marriage.

I am totally with you on the boredom aspect of watching sports.  However, I take a book, my knitting, a magazine or look for new or old friends to catch up with.  I dislike the sun, too, so I take a chair and seek shade, lol. 

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary.  DH and I won't even see each other today, because we chose another route.  Tomorrow, our boys swim up to Scouts and it is more important that he is able to be here for that, than today for our anniversary.  As your marriage develops and matures, you will probably find that the anniversary is less important, as long as it is acknowledged, most of the time ;-) 

 

 

 

Rule Britannia!  Britannia Rules the Waves . . . . .

catsknit
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We rarely celebrated anniversaries on the exact date -  Actions...
Posted: by karen_g on Wed. 16 May., 2012 at 11:40:03 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
for example, our 20th was spent at a Scouts Canada Group Committee evening meeting  - it happens.  We always celebrated at the next convenient date (even if it was a bit early, such as our 25th in Mexico, 3 months early).  Some of us focus on the celebration, as opposed to the exact day.

Not wanting to lay a guilt-trip, but I wish I still had Dh to celebrate with, whatever date it would be.

karen_g
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Great Anniversary  Actions...
Posted: by dolphingirl on Tue. 22 May., 2012 at 8:25:00 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Anniversary Or Baseball"
Our anniversary worked out far better than I could have imagined. My husband's boss let each of the employees leave early so he was home for most of the afternoon of our anniversary and then we went out to a nice restaurant for dinner and then over to the in-laws for a small party. It was really nice!!! He did go to his baseball game the next day.

dolphingirl
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That's really nice  Actions...
Posted: by Marsha on Tue. 22 May., 2012 at 10:55:59 AM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Great Anniversary"
Glad to read that it all worked out. I hope you got over your negative mood or that your hubby never knew how you were feeling to start with.

Marsha
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lllll  Actions...
Posted: by sunny22 on Tue. 22 May., 2012 at 6:49:00 PM
In reply to: dolphingirl "Great Anniversary"

Good for you, glad you had a happy anniversary.

All's well that ends well.

Thanks for the update.

 

 


 

 

sunny22
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